Focus

I have a problem. My problem is that I am always having a hard time focusing on things that important to me because I always find another thing to work on. I want to start making a change in that. I guess I'll have to start writing down notes and things to keep from working on more than one project at a time.  I am also going to search the internet for ways to keep my mind focused(naturally) I really don't want to resort to drugs. I think I might have a minor form of ADD. Why do you as my readers care? You probably don't. But I just wanted to write a  blog and this is one of the things that came up in my mind. So hopefully over the next few months/weeks/years I can find ways to focus. It is very hard for me, my mind scatters from one thought to another.  Anyway....

Till Next Time,

Peace

:) 

Willpower.

I am going to try my hardest not to make this a cliche blog by starting it off with "so" Anyway, one of my favorite past times using Stumbleupon.  Today, I found an article about Willpower and writing.  I thought i'd write something about  about what I read.  So here it goes.

The author Joe Bunting mentions turning writing into a habit. This I feel is a FANTASTIC  idea. He suggests that writing once or twice or even three days a week requires more willpower than writing everyday. He says that writing everyday is more habit forming. 

He also suggests that tricking your subconscious into writing. Make it fun by asking yourself questions like "How much fun can I have writing my novel today?" I find this to be true. Because when I am writing my novel. I start asking myself questions. Talking to myself like a weirdo. No one is around so its not really that weird, unless my neighbors hear me then maybe they think I am nuts. But screw them.  Anyway,  he says "Your subconscious will start to solve the problem for you, allowing you to get more work done and have more fun doing it. Try it. It actually works." Honestly, try it.

Bunting explains about another trick. Her suggests using a timer to help  "Many writers, like Donald Miller and Chuck Palahniuk, use egg timers to keep them focused while they write. It’s something of a judo mind-trick. If you’re tired after a long day, the prospect of writing for an unspecified period of time can be overwhelming. Instead, you can trick your willpower by telling it you’re only going to go write for fifteen short minutes." I have yet to try this trick but for me. I just write till I think I'm done. But maybe I'll try it just for fun. 

Another thing he mentions is trying to make a plan. The author says
"Another judo mind-trick you can use is to make a plan. The will hates the unknown. So the prospect of writing about whatever you feel like can be intimidating." He says not to write about whatever you feel like but rather write out what your going to write, such as a character sketch

One thing I know about myself is that writing is my passion. This another thing that Bunting suggests in his article is to make writing a passion.  He says "A better way to think about passion, I think, is to think of it as your focus. If you are completely focused on your novel, if your novel is what you do and who you are, if your novel is your single-minded pursuit (to the detriment of all others), a little procrastination won’t hurt you. You’ll always be thinking about your novel, whether you are watching TV or playing tennis or reading a book." Which i think is a great way at looking at things.

I realize that this blog is getting longer by the minute so I think I'll let you read the rest of the article right here.


The rest of the site is pretty awesome too for those who are writers.

 So, till next time 

Peace :)

Edits Part 2

I have spent the better part of the afternoon trying to perfect the story I said I would edit listening to depressing music to make this story the depressing story that it is. While I don't think this will be the final edit. I think its pretty close.  I think I have made a pretty bad writing style into what I think is my current writing style. I know that the story is kinda long so you don't have to read all of it if you don't want to. I am  so glad I had to chance to edit this story though because it proves that I can do it. For the most part I have ignored my novel and focused primliarly on submitting poetry and editing short stories to submit.  While I am not pleased because the novel is begging for me to touch her. I do think its a good thing. Anyway, here's the new version. You might not notice changes right away though:

I am weary and my hands are freezing, swollen and cracked from the evening snow. My nine adoring children and my beautiful wife cannot keep warm. I made a promise to bring blankets from the city to keep them warm. The stew my wife made days ago is running low. My children are complaining of stomach pains. I too can feel my stomach in knots. I must be a faithful husband and father and fulfill my promise.  Through thick and skin family is the most important thing I must remember.

“Father?” my youngest child Peter questioned.  His hand reaching out for me, I smile and place him on my lap.

“Yes my son?”

“Do you have to go into the city?” he whispers

“Yes, the city is where I buy blankets and food for us all”  

“Time for bed child” my wife Anna interrupted

I walk into the small bedroom we had made for the children. The window is chilly.  Some are shivering.. They have already fallen asleep, lying with their arms around each other trying to keep themselves warm.  The one blanket that my wife and I own we have given to the children to share.  My wife wraps her shawl around her. I can feel her hand is freezing. I kiss it.

 I will leave the  before  morning, so I can arrive at the gates when they open. My wife is heavy hearted about me leaving the children and her alone. But my oldest son Yuri is 13 years old and can protect the family with the shotgun I had bought him. The children will not know I am gone, expect for Peter, who had promised to keep the secret.

My wife will not kiss me goodbye, she feels it is too dangerous. “I must leave now, the morning will come soon,” I say. My wife doesn’t look  at me, she knows I must leave,  yet she refuses to let me touch her. “Oh Pavel, why must you leave the children and I alone,” she paused.  She looks towards the children’s room. “Take Yuri with you. You are old” she continues She finally looks at me for the first time tonight, her eyes gleeming in the moonlight, pretty as ever.  “I can’t it is too dangerous for the boy. I must go alone ”  I take  the hankerchief in my pocket and whipe it across her eyes. She smiles brefly. I kiss her forhead and leave without saying a another word.

I put on my cap and coat and  prepare my faithful steed, Vlad for the long journey ahead. He has been my best friend since he was just a colt.  He will hopefully guide me to the city gates by morning. My head is heavy.  My legs are frozen.The cold defeats me. The snow howling in my ear. The ride will be dreadful but in the end it will all be worth it. The roads are empty. The heavy snow falls on the dirty ground leaving a trail of Vlads hooves behind us. I can hear Vlad’s heavy breathing, the snow is making it harder for him to move. Vlad is starting to clip clop slower and slower and  we aren’t getting any further on the trail. 

The city is  miles off, my estimations were off, I will not make it to the city by morning. I will have to take refudge in one of the smaller villages that I pass. It will be the only way to make it to the city, but then my family will worry. I must push Vlad harder then he has ever been pushed before.

As I get closer to the village I am greeted by the cackle of an old woman.

“Do you dare leave your family alone”? She says with an ear-splitting voice. Vlad slows down and whines lifting his legs up. “What did you say old woman?” I respond.  She looks  from underneath her tattered hood. She gives me an overbearingly ugly toothless smile  “I know why you stop here” her face was covered in dirt and grease. I am afraid. My bones were shaking. And  was now breathing heavily as my heart thudded against my chest. Though I dare not show it.

“Speak! I say”

The old woman points toward the Inn. She cackles and  limps away.  This was my intention to stay at the Inn and any resident  of  the village would guess that a traveler late at night would want to make a rest at the Inn.  So she could not be a witch, nor a gypsy fortune teller like I had so foolishly predicted. She was merely just a villager gone insane. I place Vlad on one of the poles and feed him a bit of hay that I find on the floor. I pat him and let him eat in peace

I walk into the inn and only a few faces are in the inn drinking. A  young girl who couldn’t be more then 16 or 17 years old greets me. “May I help you, traveler?” her voice is soft and gentle. “Yes, I would like to spend the night here at the Inn, but I only have enough to spend at the market tomorrow” I say. She sighs “I will ask my father, these are not good times for us, we are one to give a home to travelers but it is not usually for free”

She leaves and I sit down at one of the many benches that were spread out in the Inn. The young girl comes back with a brut of a man. He has hairy arms and a hairy face. “You, traveler need a home for only one night?” he questioned. I nodded and lent my hand out for a handshake but he does not acknowledge it.  “No,I’m afraid you can not stay here comrade ” he pats me on the back.  He must see the sadness on my face because he then smiled. “Just kidding” he says. “Surely, I will allow you stay one night” he smiles.

I am shown my room for the night. The room is small and quiet with only a bed.  I can hear the howling of the snow outside. I think about my wife and children who cannot get warmth or food. I can not close my eyes.

I don’t sleep well and in the morning I awake to the sound blood curling cries.   I am hasty to thank the old brut and his daughter for the free board. As I walk downstairs, they are nowhere to be seen. I then walk outside, and the village is quiet.

The sky is a pale gray but the snow has cleared. In the distance I hear faint voices. I go to check on Vlad he is alive but something has startled him. I notice somebody on the floor, it is the girl from the Inn she is bleeding from her stomach. She unable to talk but still alive, next to her is her father, who is already dead, all four of his limps chopped off. Blood stains the white covered floor. She is huddle  over her father crying with heavy breaths. “ I will take you to the city” I say.  Other villagers that are lay dead or wounded.  The village is in ruins fires dot what remains of the village huts.

 The old insane woman lay  lifeless. I bend down to close her eyes and say a prayer.   There is a thick stench of death in the air. My stomach is begins to turn. I can barley walk with the young girl over my shoulder. The voices draw near. I hop on Vlad and hold the young dying girl in my arm; she reminds me of my daughter.

The city gates are not far, I hope she can manage to stay alive.  I feel a cold wind up against my neck.  I hear clip! Clop! following me and I turn back to see several men on horseback holding guns. I try to stay calm as we ride faster and faster. The girl is fading her eyes closing.

This is not what I intended but I cannot let citizens die. I could only hope that my wife and children would approve of this. I started my journey to get food and blankets for my family.  Her wounds are bleeding onto my hands as we ride faster.  “Let me die” she whispers

The men behind us are gaining on us, I push Vlad to ride faster and faster.  And  I see the gates of the city are opening from a far. I hear a gunshot then I feel Vlad slow down and whine.  The horrible scent of  gun powder fills the air. He falls to the ground knocking the girl and I off. I wail at the sight of his bullet wound. I place my hand on the wound to stop the bleeding but it is too much. The men stop suddenly. I can see one of their faces. He is scared heavily across his face. “Do not hurt us, were are but citizens,” I say.

Vlad is still alive. I have hope that he is merely injured. But his is breathing heavy and I see his eye reach mine. His heavy breathing stopped.  Vlad has now passed away. I let out tears of anguish. Pounding on his carcass.  The girl is still alive.  I tug on Vlad’s body but I am weak.

The tears continue to  come  down my face. “Men do not cry it is but a mere horse you pathetic swine,” the heavily scarred man said. He comes closer to me, I smell vodka on his breath He smacks me in the face with the butt of his gun. He and the rest of the men laugh as  I whimper and wipe the blood from my mouth. I do not beg for mercy. The scarred man is fat and drunk. He reminds me of my brother Nikolai. The fat demon now points his gun towards my head and I begin to pray. I mutter the last words of my prayer and hear:

“Stand down citizen ”

The voice is strong and powerful yet young and undeveloped. I look over and see a solider, the girls eyes widened. “Brother you have come” she manages to whisper.  But it was her final breathe.  Her arms release my neck. The boy solider solemnly walks towards us.

He lifts Vlad up off  his sister and I.  He is a boy of about 18 years old. His hair is clean  and slicked back. His red military uniform is dazzling. It sparkles even in the dark clouds. He is strong and has the heart of a warrior. His face tells me he has seen many deaths before joining the army.  My hands are covered in Vlad’s and the girls blood. My body aches and I can barely speak. I start to wonder if my son too will end up like him.   We do not exchange words as carries her body and walks away.  The rain clouds  have come. I am weak and hungered but I trudge on with what little strength I have left.   If I am to make it back home tonight I must hurry.

 I am alone with Vlad now. I take the things around Vlad’s  saddle and begin to dig a hole for Vlad. I bury him in a place unmarked, but a memorable place.  I wash my body in a nearby lake and clean myself of the tragedies that I now bare. But I cannot remove them. They hang over me  like an angels halo. I must continue. I mustn’t dwell for my family awaits hungry and cold. I am saddened by the death of my trusty steed and the young girl I was unable to help but it is my family that  needs me the most.

Now that I am here in the city, I check my pockets for the coins to purchase the items. But they are gone. I have nothing. Trying to keep my head up  I walk into the market place with the bustling crowd. The city is busy with beggars, vendors, guards and thieves.  It smells of freshly baked bread but it is dirty and unkempt here.  I make little eye contact with the guards and force my way through the crowd. A beggar woman tugs at my shirt. “Please sir. I am hungry” she begs. Her voice is old and dry. “ I don’t acknowledge her.

 I am forced to steal what I need for my family. I find myself staring at a particular vendor. He is a brutish man with a beard of solid white.  He is wearing a blue robe. His smile is comforting.  I walk slower as not to cause suspicion.  I feel the soft wool up against my fingers and think how warm it would be. Every fiber now reaching me I smile. I can smell the fruit and can nearly feel the sensation of the juices running down my lips. His eyes do not reach mine. Steadily, I place my fingers on the blanket and with my other hand I grab the fruit. I begin to walk away hoping the vendor will not notice. It seems I make it far enough for him without him realizing something is gone. But then “Stop Thief”. I hear the footsteps following me.  I look all around for a horse I could borrow or…..steal.  

Then I feet a tap my shoulder and with a jump I turn around. But my heart calms when seeing that it the young solider. I get on hoping that he will take me back to my home and he did.

I arrive home. I opened the door to see smiling faces I feel  kisses upon my cheeks. I never felt such a sensation. I pull out the fruit and blankets. The children take the fruit from my hand and swallow it nearly whole. My wife grabs me and kisses me till I cannot breathe.  She notices the wound on my mouth, but does not say a word.

Then the children look outside and I am they looked outside and realize that did not come with me. “But where is Vlad” Peter says. I lift him up and place him on my lap. He too notices the wound on my lips. “I had to trade him,” I say. The other  children’s faces drooped but I reassured them that he was in a better place.

Editing.

As I writer one of the hardest things I think I come across is editing my own work. I find it hard to  kill my babies. But essentially this is what you have to do as a writer right? I mean I have been recently wanting to submit some of my short stories to magazines. Editing the ones I have finished to make them polished and ready to submit is REALLY hard. So here's what I think I am going to do. I am going to post the short story in it's raw form than tomorrow or whenever I finish the short story editing. I'll post the new version. I don't know why I had the urge to do this. But I just do ok? Thank you for being so supportive. I appreciate it.  Anyway, I really really want to be better at story writing. I find it just as fun to write a story as I do a poem. But poems are much easier for me to complete. Mainly because they are so short.

I thought it would be a great idea to start submitting my short stories since it would be good as a writer to be accepted in more than one genre.  But I've found most of my short stories were half done. Now, this is even harder because I have to try to go back and see if I can get the same tone I wanted before. Also  a lot of my short stories I've come across were ones I wrote way way way long ago in the begining  stages of writing.

OY!

So the story I am going to post here is a story I wrote for a creative writing class. I am getting some help from my homegirl Sopphey. I really like the idea behind the story but when I wrote it. I was restricted and couldn't really move the entire story. So now that I can edit it all I want and wreck it apart I am going to do so:

I realize that is is a super long blog but thought i'd just share progress.

Oh and btw my novel is going awesomely. I am barreling though it. But alas I did not make it to the school so. I shall continue it as much as I can this year.

The City Gates 

It is a dismal and frosty evening. Here in country the snow falls on our window pane.  The frosty film on my window blocks our view. My hands are freezing swollen and cracked from the evening snow.  The fire in my home isn’t sufficient enough to keep my family warm. My nine children and my wife are all freezing too, but I promised them I would make enough money to purchase blankets to keep them warm. I also promised them I would get them food, but money is scarce, I barely have enough to get me into the city and back. But I must be a faithful husband and father and fulfill my promise. If that means I have to go to extreme measures to get them food I will do it. “Father?” my youngest child Peter questioned.

“Yes my son?”

“Do you have to go far into the city?”

“Yes, the city is where I buy blankets and food for us all” 

“Time for bed child” my wife Anna interrupted

I walked into my children’s bedroom but most of the children had already fallen asleep, they are lying with their arms around each other trying to keep themselves warm. The one blanket that my wife and I own we have given to the children to share.  I must leave the house before the morning, so I can arrive at the gates when they open. My wife she is down trodden and melancholy about me leaving the children and her alone. But my oldest son Yuri he is 11 years old and can protect the family with the shotgun I had bought him. The children will not know I am gone, expect for Peter, who had promised to keep the secret.  I can’t wait till I arrive with the blankets and food so I can see the smiling beams on the face of my children.

My wife knows of my departure, but will not kiss me goodbye, she feels it is too dangerous. “I must leave now, the morning will come soon,” I said. My wife is not looking at me tonight, she is beautiful and yet she refuses to let me touch her. “Oh Pavel, why must you leave the children and me alone, especially in these dangerous times” she paused. She finaly looked at me for the first time tonight, her eyes gleeming in the moonlight, pretty as ever.  “You know it is in the best intrest of you and the children I can not let my family starve.” She turned her head again. I grab her and turn her around so that I am face to face with her. I kiss her passoinatley she retracts at first then engages in the kiss firmly grabbing my cheeks. Our kiss stopped but she grabbed my hand and started to rub it as a tear fell from her eye. I took the hankerchief that was in my pocket and whiped it across her eyes. She smiled brefly. I kissed her forhead without saying a word she waved.

 I put on my cap and my coat and exited my home.  The dark clouds have now let out their rain. My faithful horse Vlad, will hopefully guide me to the gate by morning. The ride will be dreadful but in the end it will all be worth it. I place the saddle upon Vlad’s back and start to head on my journey. The roads are empty. The light rain fall has now turned into showers, and Vlad is starting to clip clop faster and faster. But we aren’t getting any further on the trail.  The city gates seem to be miles off, my estimations were off, I will not make it to the city by morning, I will have to take refudge in one of the smaller villages that I past. It will be the only way to make it to the city, but then my family will worry. I must push Vlad harder then he has ever been pushed before. I can see smoke from one of the villiages, I will stay there till there is light, then I will part and make my way into the city.

As I get closer to the village I am greeted by the cackle of an old woman. “Do you dare leave your family alone”? She spoke with an ear-splitting voice. I stopped Vlad causing him to whine in fear. “What did you say?” I respond She looked from underneath her tattered hood. “I know why you stop here” her face was covered in dirt and grease. I was afraid, my bones were shaking and I was now breathing heavily as my heart thudded against my chest. “Speak! I say”

 The old woman points toward the Inn. This was my intention to stay at the Inn and any resistant at the village would guess that a traveler late at night would want to make a rest at the Inn, so she could not be a witch, nor a gypsy fortune teller like I had so foolishly predicted. She was merely just a villager gone insane. I nodded politely to her as she reveled her decrepit mouth to attempt a smile. I placed Vlad on one of the poles and feed him a bit of hay that I found on the floor.

I walk into the inn and only a few faces including a young girl who couldn’t be more then 16 or 17 years old greet me. “May I help you traveler?” her voice is soft and gentle. “Yes I would like to spend the night here at the Inn, but I only have enough to spend at the market tomorrow” I say. She sighed. “I will ask my father, these are not good times for us, we are one to give a home to travelers but it is not usually for free” She left and I sat down at one of the many benches that were spread out in the room. The young girl came back with a brut of a man. He had hairy arms and a hairy face. “You traveler need a home for only one night?” he questioned. I nodded and lent my hand out for a handshake but he did not acknowledge it.  “Yes I will let you stay” he smiled big. 

I am shown my room for the night. I sleep well and in the morning I awake the sound of mooing cows.  I pack my bags but I am not hasty to thank the old brut and his daughter for the free board. As I walk downstairs, they are nowhere to be seen. I then walk outside, and the village is quiet. I hear voices, but they are muted Vlad is still alive but he seems to startled. Then as I walk toward Vlad I notice somebody was on the floor, it is the girl from the Inn she is bleeding from her stomach and unable to talk but still alive, next to her is her father, who is already dead, all four of his limps chopped off. She is crying with every tear comes a heavy breath. “Do not fear young girl I will take you to the city” I said. There are other members of the village that are lying dead or wounded. What could this mean? What is my fate? I thought. The old woman is lying lifeless with her arms and legs beside her.  My stomach is beginning to turn and I can barley walk with the young girl over my shoulder. The voices I hear are getting closer and closer. I hop on Vlad and hold the young dying girl in my arm; it is my duty as a citizen to save her life if I can. The city gates are not far, I hope she can manage to stay alive.  The cold wind is now breezing up against us, but the rain has stopped.  I hear clip clops following me and I turn back to see several men on horseback holding guns. I try to stay calm as we ride faster and faster, the girl slowly dying away.

I started my journey to get food for my family but now I am saving a fellow citizens life. My family would approve of my service but are probably scared just now that I have not returned with their blankets or their food.  The men on the horses are gaining on us, but I see the gates of the city are opening from a far. I hear a gunshot then I feel Vlad slow down and whine he falls to the ground knocking the girl and I off. I moan at his bullet wound that had been fired at his back. The men stop suddenly. I can see one of their faces. He is scared heavily across his face. “Do not hurt us, were are but citizens,” I say. My voice is muttered. Vlad has now passed away the bullet had kill him. The girl is still alive.

A single tear comes rolling down my face. “Men do not cry it is but a mere horse you pathetic swine,” the heavily scared man said. He comes closer to us I smell vodka on his breathe. “Stand down” I hear a voice say. It is strong and powerful yet young and undeveloped. I look over and see a solider, the girls eyes widened. “Brother you have come” The man was holding his sword; this battle would be foolish gunpowder against steel. But the scared men and the others dropped their weapons and turned back. I was confused. How could one solider have that much power over several men like that? It is impossible. He lifted Vlad up and his sister and I were able to crawl from underneath. I felt his hand come upon my shoulder. He did not say anything he lifted his sister and walked away, I was alone with Vlad now. I was able to show my suffering, my children cannot know of his terrible death.

I buried him in a place unmarked, but a memorable place, Vlad was like a close friend, but I must continue though the city gates to buy the fruit and blankets. Now that I was here in the city, I checked my pockets for the coins to purchase the items. Down trodden I walked into the market place with the bustling crowd, and found myself staring down a particular vendor. I walked to it and grabbed some fruit and a blanket hoping that the vendor would not notice. But then “Stop Thief” I heard those words and ran past people knocking them down. I heard the footsteps of guards following me.  I looked all around for a horse I could borrow or use.

Then I felt a hand tap my shoulder, it was the young solider. I got on hoping that he would take me back to my village and he did. I arrived home. I opened the door and walk through, I saw faces smiling and felt kisses upon my cheeks. I never felt so wonderful then I did at that moment. I pulled out the fruit that I had stolen and the blankets too. But then they looked outside and realize that Vlad was no more. “I had to trade him,” I said. The children’s faces drooped but I reassured them that he was in a better place. 

Doing this thing called Five Sentence Fiction

So, I am going to participate for a bit in this thing called five sentence fiction. Where you write just as it says. Five sentences as a story. This is my first time doing it. I got inspiration from my buddy Sopphey. While I am not seasoned in this kind of stuff. I figured I'd give it a try.  Plan on doing a few more.

So here it is:

She dances with his ghost. He doesn’t realize he’s dead. Her memory is broken. Not what he used to be. She smiles as he fades away.

I know this is a short blog but at least its a blog right? 

Until next time, 

Peace :)